The Pain of Spiritual Self-Examination

I recently had an experience that made me question some things about my life. As I do each year, I went to have a routine medical diagnostic procedure completed. Unfortunately, a few days later, I received a call that I needed to come back for some follow-up testing necessary in order to determine whether I had cancer or just some benign cysts. The minimal imaging I had originally was not enough to determine exactly what the radiologist was seeing on my scan. So after a week of praying and trying very hard not to be anxious, I took a day off from work to go have these tests run. The first one didn’t reveal what the masses were, so I had to have yet another test—an ultrasound this time. That test finally allowed the doctors to determine that what they were seeing was benign. They then measured the cysts, documenting their sizes and locations for future reference next year. . . because each year, I faithfully go for tests that are expected when one turns a certain age. Like many, I want to make sure I am doing everything possible to catch any problems early before they have the potential of killing me. While I want to experience heaven, I don’t feel He’s done with me yet!

The whole process made me think really hard about potential sin in my life and what I do (or don’t do) about correcting the problems—if I even see them. Sin is very much like a cancer. It takes root somewhere in my mind or my heart or my actions, and if I don’t do some self-diagnosis with the help of the Spirit and take care of the problem, it will just turn into a larger, more deeply-rooted problem that might just cost me my life rather prematurely. Paul wrote in I Corinthians 11:30 that many of the members of that church were “weak and sick, and a number sleep.” The sin in their lives had consequence because they were not judging themselves “rightly” (v. 31), which would have resulted in discipline by the Lord, which would have spared them the same condemnation as the world. Paul’s message is in the context of celebrating the Lord’s Supper, but I think the warnings are there for us in all walks of life.

If we do not choose to discipline our bodies and our minds, there are consequences. Sin always has consequences—we always have choices! But isn’t it hard to take a really close look at ourselves, especially when we are trying to ferret out sin? It is sometimes hard to look objectively at a problem in ourselves, but the Spirit will reveal it IF we ask honestly. It is always hard to change, and discipline is never easy, but it sure wins out over the other options! Do we even attempt to hold each other accountable? These are hard questions that came through a week’s wait for new tests. God can and does use all of the circumstances in our lives to grow us up into Him AND to bring Him glory, and in this particular case, he used my physical circumstances to challenge me spiritually.