If I Can Encourage You . . .

When I began writing this blog years ago, it was at the close of a year. Many years later, the beginning of a new one compels me to write again as I think about how to encourage a young friend beginning her journey into motherhood as she impatiently awaits the birth of her son later this month.

When I think about how to encourage another mother, I must think of my own journey and the lessons learned along the way. Have I done it well? At times. Have I done everything I set out to do? That would be a resounding no! Have I failed miserably? Many times over, and I would spare you the pain of it. So life goes; yet it goes in the way God has ordained—He who “chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him” (Ephesians 1:4). Do I even pretend to totally understand how that works . . . uhm, no; however, it doesn’t mean I can discard what I don’t understand. Mostly, I understand that I am to offer encouragement to others as long as “it is still called today” (Heb. 3:13), and I can do this both from things I have done well and things I have failed miserably at doing.

Maybe the best place to anchor the reflection of the journey is in Psalms, as Ch. 37 speaks and informs me “the steps of a man are established by the LORD; and He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong because the LORD is the One who holds his hand” (23-24).

First of all, I would encourage a new mother in Christ not to fear because God is doing the establishing. Once we trust in Him, scripture reassures us that God not only establishes us but also delights in us and keeps us from stumbling by holding on to our hands, just like a caring parent would do with a small child. Hold on to your precious child, delight in him, but also help firmly establish him in the way that matters most—in Christ, the only One who is able to “save and destroy” (James 4:12).

I remember when my first son was born. I was obsessed with protecting him from any possible injury, yet in doing so, I robbed him of learning valuable lessons in a timely manner. It is easy to look at the events in the lives of our children and fear the outcome, yet “God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Tim. 1:7). That is a priceless gift.

Think how many times God encourages us not to fear throughout the Bible. He does that because as our Creator God, He understands us—He made us—He knows what we are up against, and for us He gave His own son. Why should we waste our time fearing, especially when it doesn’t accomplish anything profitable? Instead, we could be praising Him in the midst of the storm, instilling confidence in God in the heart of the young one we are entrusted with. Is this easy? No! Is it possible? Yes, for Jesus asserts “with men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matt. 19:26).  Don’t let fear rob you of the opportunity to teach your child to trust Him above what he can see.

Second, love your husband more than you love your child. I know that the precious bundle that you will soon hold in your arms will be far more lovable at times than your husband in his grown, rebellious, imperfect state. I know that the little one God is giving to you comes to you helpless, needing you to provide all his needs at first, but I also know the danger of letting his needs become a permanent focus over the needs of your marriage, which is meant to be a priority for a lifetime.

Many mothers worship their children and allow their marriages to die slow deaths for lack of nurture. Think about it. If it weren’t for your marriage, would you have the gift of your son? No! Did you vow to love, honor, and obey your son until death parts you? Absolutely not, although at times it will seem like a much easier thing to do. Your commitment to God first and your husband second allows you to be the best mother to your son. If your child knows your priority, he will learn to walk in a way that is pleasing to the Father, and someday, when he is a father, too, he will teach his son that loving God and loving his own wife are the expectation. We want that to be our children’s normal instead of the picture the world presents! Learning to put God first and your husband second are so important, and the world won’t understand, but be strong!

In Psalm 37, the psalmist continues, “I have been young, and now I am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or his descendants begging bread.” I too, have been young (my graying head and grown children show my age), and now that I look back on my life, I see so much that I wish I could redo, but I don’t have that privilege—it only comes once. Now it is your turn to do the raising. My job is to be your support, young one, to love you and come alongside you with truth from Scripture, with prayer support, with knowledge applied and lessons learned and hope unbridled. I hope you seek Him first with all your heart. I hope you raise up godly children full of the power and spirit of the One who created them and entrusted them to you. I hope you feel the power of the spirit of Christ Jesus in you freeing you to walk according to the Spirit.

And as you suffer the groans of childbirth later this month, remember that you will soon hold your son in your arms and forget the pain, but don’t forget that “the whole earth groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now,” longing for the coming of the One who we eagerly await. Keep Him in focus, and you will be the mother that God wants you to be, the one He created and empowered you to be in Christ. That, my dear friend, is a precious thing worth holding tightly to for the rest of your time as a mother.