Reluctantly Mended

-
The pulling of the edges together afterwards doesn’t work—
They just don’t match anymore after their jagged tearing.
And I miss what I used to think was whole.
It is different, this repairing in another configuration than the original.

Normal used to be comfortable but now is no more.
New, yes. 
Necessary, absolutely. 
But definitely not normal.

When the mending finally occurs, I wonder why I resisted to begin with.
This is better than the original version. 
Better than normal.
I think to myself, “Next time I will know not to resist.”

But the next time comes, and still I pull back,
Grasping desperately at the edges of what used to be, holding on to the old.
Reluctant. Fearful. 
But then I remember the last mending.

And I submit to the repairing of my soul.

kbp

Comments

Post a Comment

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. If you have concerns or questions, I will do my best to answer them privately. I will publish comments at my discretion publicly if they glorify God.

Popular posts from this blog

An Uncertain Affinity (2 Cor. 4:7-11; Gen. 3:16)

-
Image
Today in my devotion time, I came across a word that led me to another word. Can I say that this is my usual, lifelong problem in reading dictionary entries . . . I have a hard time stopping.  It’s a real problem. ☺ The word connected to the word I was looking up about the tabernacle was skeuos . In the Greek, this word carries the meaning “of uncertain affinity; a vessel, implement, equipment or apparatus (literal or figurative [specifically a wife as contributing to the usefulness of the husband]):--goods, sail, stuff, vessel.” I got caught immediately in the first part: “uncertain affinity.”  Uncertain means “not able to be relied on; not known or definite.” Affinity means “a spontaneous or natural liking or sympathy for someone or something.” Putting these two words together is something of an oxymoron, which in the Greek literally means “pointedly foolish” because of its seeming contradiction. How in the world can you have an affinity for something you don’t know? How can it b
Read more

BRB: April 28, 1975-August 2022

-
Image
Brian died this week, alone in his apartment. No one knows for sure which day he passed from this life into the next one, but regardless, the reality is that Brian is gone, and we are left with the many memories made during his lifetime. Like memories of anyone, some are good and others are hard, and I know that mine are somewhat warped by time and my penchant for drama as a child, which (of course, read as not really . . . ) I have TOTALLY outgrown, but they are mine, and I am glad to have them. My first memory of Brian was a few days after his birth, and my five-and-a half-year-old-self wasn’t the least bit impressed with the squirmy little bundle I could only see by standing on tiptoe through the window of the kitchen door because I had a horrible case of the mumps. Pretty sure that my parents driving away with my brother and leaving me with the grandparents I normally loved to be with was the lowest moment of my life up to that point. That was the unavoidable and unfortunate begin
Read more

Under Construction (All of the Bible . . .)

-
Do you remember the logic  🧩 (or riddles or analogies or challenges—not sure what to call the kind of word puzzle I mean) of childhood past where one was required to look at a grouping of words and figure out based on their arrangement what they meant together? Something like this one below: CONSTRUCTION soul The correct way to solve it would be soul under construction . If you notice, construction is weighty, and the soul is small under the burden of change. Maybe it has seemed quiet to you lately from this quarter. It is true that I have not written in a while, but it has not been because my soul has been absent of either noise or the quiet contemplation of time spent in the Word. I have been wrestling with myself, not with New Year's resolutions but with what I know about God, with the disconnect I sometimes feel between living out truth versus what my flesh wants in all its ugliness. There is the other side of wrestling, however, when it goes on too long without acti
Read more