Smeared and Messy (On Marriage . . .)

I confess that marriage counseling and discipleship has brought out the ugly in me this summer like no other, much like the law did with the children of Israel before Christ came. Going over the ins and outs of biblical marriage has made me more aware when I fall short. Often. Drastically. Which is rather the point--apart from Christ, I can do nothing (Jn. 15:5)! When (not if) we stray into the lusts of the flesh, read here as what I want is more important than what you want, no one wins.

Last night was one of those nights in my marriage. As a result, this morning has been less than. No details are required (fill in your own here). 

As I sat and read this morning (my husband next door in his office doing the same and avoiding me too), I felt ashamed. The problem arises in the repairing of the breach when it is opened. Often I have no idea how to do it, but I do know that usually it requires a surgical procedure: the laceration of wounds only healed by confession and ministering and serving, in laying down my own life for the other. In conversation that isn't happening in abundance right now. 

But first I have to lay down my pride.

Not being ready ready yet, I picked up a project I had meant to finish yesterday. I meticulously hand lettered a CS Lewis quote I had started this summer’s study on marriage with, appropriately because today one of the “girls” I started spending summers with four years ago is getting married. This young woman is precious to me and is marrying another precious soul, the son of friends of the family. The quote turned out beautifully, unlike many of my attempts, and I thought to take it to them tonight, to share it on their actual wedding day. In order to preserve the permanent lettering, I thought to spray it with lacquer, but having none, I thought, “Hairspray! That will keep it from running! I sprayed it on and walked away to do some chores.

I should have left it alone. (Much like many of the arguments that arise in my marriage, which come from me picking at things that shouldn't be picked at.) When I came back, it looked like this:

Now smeared and messy, another version entirely than the one I walked away from earlier. Still legible, but no longer pristine.

But isn’t that often our attempts within marriages? We go one step too far, and things get messy, look distorted, seem hopeless and without repair. But the truth is, they are not! For my little quote to be what it once was (or a similar version), it will take a coat of new paint, fresh and white, and time to dry before re-lettering. The message will be the same, but the way I approach it if I do this again will be different. I won’t make the same mistake I made this time the next time I draw it out. In my marriage, I (hopefully) have learned the lesson and it won’t need repeating.

Then I decided to give it to them as it is. It will be a much better depiction of their lives together in Christ. Messy. A bit blurry with the water that falls on it at times. A reminder that perfection is not required but submission to the One who created them is. 

Love above all things. 

Picking up their crosses daily. 

Confessing one to another that they may be healed. Submitting to one another in a covenant union preserved by a God who doesn’t look at the outward beauty but the inward appearance, the heart, which apart from Him is appalling. But IN Christ is beautiful. Radiant even.

Their story is just beginning, but mine isn’t over, and I am praying that the Lord Jesus Christ will preserver the precious union of these two and make it something beautiful from the inside out.